Infographic: How to make a fortune from book stuffing

On 3rd December 2018 the winner of the annual Bad Sex in Fiction Awards was announced. Inspired, in DG #33 Evil Stick Man concocted a sultry scheme to turn steamy e-books into hard, rippling cash…

 


1. Sign yourself up as a romance novelist with a sexy pseudonym at all the major ‘all-you-can-read’ e-book sites, where authors are paid by the number of pages read.

 

2. Launch an online competition to find the sexiest writer alive, with a cash prize. In the terms mention that the copyright of all entries will belong to you. But in a very small font.

 

3. Take every entry you receive and add multiple returns between each sentence and a new page for every new paragraph. Your ‘books’ should now occupy thousands of pages.

 

4. Upload your books onto the e-book sites with risqué covers, titillating titles and a flash advertising your competition inside. Put the competition details on the last page.

 

5. Write multiple five-star reviews talking about how giddy the book made you feel, how it was so sexy it should be illegal and how good the prize is.

 

6. Pay to promote your books on the sites. They’ll climb the most-read list as readers flick through many pages to find the competition. Watch the royalties flood in.

 

7. Find and replace the names of the characters in every book and re-upload with different risqué covers and new titillating titles. Repeat steps 5 and 6.

 

8. As the books are free people are unlikely to complain about the poor content. If they do, e-book sites are unlikely to take action against an advertiser. If they do, begin again at step 1 with a new pseudonym.

 

9. You are now rich. Launch your own TV show and invite Bobby Gillespie of Primal Scream on as a guest to discuss serious issues. Do the Skibidi dance in front of him.

 

We’ve pulled together Evil Stick Man’s adventures in our first ever book, How to be evil. You can buy it for £10 including shipping in our online shop.

Words: Marcus Webb | Illustration: Christian Tate

 

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