How to pull off an energy switch

1. Identify a territory in which a combination of economic, social and political factors make it likely that there will be a major spike in energy prices within the next year.

2. Set up Company A, selling gas and electricity to households and businesses. Offer them attractive fixed-term deals with the majority of the year’s fees paid in advance.

3. Your low prices will ensure you come top on price comparison websites and appeal to utilities switching websites, meaning a lot of consumers sign up and you have plenty of working capital.

4. Set up Company B, a marketing and public relations company. Direct Company A to hire Company B to promote its services. Ensure Company B charges its new client an outrageous sign-up fee.

5. Get Company B to create a logo and set up a social media strategy for Company A as well as sending out a handful of half-hearted emails about it to press outlets, before invoicing Company A for another outrageous fee.

6. Wait for energy prices to increase, meaning it is no longer viable to provide electricity at your original low prices. Make a final payment from Company A to Company B for ‘management charges’ then file for bankruptcy.

7. The country’s gas and electricity regulator will move your customers to a new supplier who will be responsible for honouring the credit outstanding on their account. This will result in higher bills for them, but that’s their problem.

8. Pay yourself all the money from Company B as a bonus for an incredible year. Repeat steps 1-7 in other territories.

9. You are now rich. Hire a bunch of celebrities for an exciting new reality game show – don’t tell them it is based on Squid Game. Fix it so that Christopher Biggins wins.

Posted on Thursday, July 4th, 2024 - Categories: #44 - Jul-Sep 2021, App Issues.