How to get rich from resignations

1. Identify a country which has a tight labour market and a deeply ingrained culture of civility that makes it excruciatingly embarrassing for its inhabitants to resign.

2. Hire employees with a diverse set of talents: people with legal knowledge, people with HR experience and people who revel in blunt, confrontational conversations.

3. Use social media to target adverts at disaffected young people who’ve started jobs and are hating them, but feel socially unable to hand in their notice.

4. Take a payment from them to resign on their behalf, managing all of the awkward conversations with their bosses and the painful negotiations with HR and getting them the best exit deal possible.

5. Record all of the interactions in order to train an AI system to take over the administrative legwork and even some of the phone calls.

6.  Allow users to choose a celebrity voice for their proxy resignation agent, from gentle and conciliatory to aggressive and scary.

7. Replicate the system for people wanting to get out of phone deals, gym memberships, business partnerships and marriages. Offer special discounts for the use of multiple facilitated departures in a year.

8. You are now rich. Pay Taylor Swift to go on a date with you. Behave appallingly in the hope that she will write a heartfelt revenge ballad about the encounter.

Posted on Wednesday, June 26th, 2024 - Categories: #54 - Jan-Mar 2024, App Issues.