How to cash in on the gig economy

1. Sign up as a parcel courier with a company that gives you a car and pays for your fuel.

2. Buy a large number of mobile phones. Use one batch to sign up as a driver for every taxi-hailing app you can find and a second batch to sign up as a customer for the same apps.

3. Before every courier drop-off, hail yourself on one of the ‘customer’ taxi apps and ask to be taken to the parcel drop-off location. Accept the job on one of the ‘driver’ phones. Always award yourself five stars.

4. Each weekend, park near your local airport terminal. Accept every taxi-hailing request from newly-arrived passengers as they appear on your multiple phones. Make no effort to pick these passengers up.

5. Continue to ignore your waiting passengers. Occasionally text them to say that you’ll be “there in five” while not moving. Drive towards them every now and then before turning and driving away.

6. Your enraged would-be passengers will eventually cancel the job, earning you an automatic cancellation fee, but – as they didn’t travel with you – they will be unable to give you a negative rating

7. Bribe all the other couriers at the parcel delivery company to follow points 1-3 during the week before giving you their ‘taxi driver’ phones at the weekend.

8. Repeat points 4-5 but with scores of phones at the same time. If any passengers complain to one of the taxi-hailing apps, point to your top rating and say there must be a mistake.

9. You are now rich. Indulge your long-held ambition to become a PI by opening a detective agency with Coleen Rooney.

Posted on Wednesday, July 10th, 2024 - Categories: #36 - Jul-Sep 2019, App Issues.