How to besmirch a political reputation

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Our first book, ‘How to be evil’, features the collected cartoon works of Evil Stick Man, our Machiavellian doodle whose get-rich-quick schemes have featured in Delayed Gratification since the very first issue.

Here’s Evil Stick Man on how to besmirch a political reputation. For more of his nefarious how-to guides, order a copy of ‘How to be evil’ from the DG shop.

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Think of something shocking and horrible (Horrible Thing A).

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Think of something even worse (Horrible Thing A+).

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After securing a hefty fee from your politician client, use intermediaries to contact a techno geek who hates your client’s political opponent but has no identifiable link to you.

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Get the geek to set up Site A, a simple website whose text defines your client’s political opponent’s surname as being synonymous with Horrible Thing A+. Ensure metadata are correct so it is indexed.

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Using intermediaries, encourage politically likeminded bloggers across the world to place mentions of your client’s political opponent in their blogs with hyperlinks to Site A. The site will rise higher in the search rankings with every link.

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Get your techno geek to employ spamdexing techniques on Site A to help it rise even further in the search rankings. Soon it will be on the first page of results.

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Get your PR people to place untraceable stories in the mainstream media about the rise of Site A, making it rise still further in the search rankings. Then get them to put references to the scandal in your opponent’s Wikipedia page.

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Go on TV to say how appalled you are that your client’s political opponent has been identified with Horrible Thing A+, thereby drawing additional attention to the link and helping Site A hit the top of the rankings. Collect a bonus fee from your client.

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Your client’s opponent will spend vast sums to push Site A off the search rankings top spot. They will forever be associated with Horrible Thing A+. Repeat steps one to eight for other clients. You are now rich. Launch your own line of designer whisky.

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