Evil Stick Man cashes in on the EU referendum
In our brand new issue, Evil Stick Man shares his plans for cashing in on the EU referendum. Whether the UK Brexits or Bremains, here’s how to turn direct democracy into cold hard cash.
For more of our Machiavellian doodle’s evil escapades, check out our first book ‘How to be evil’, which Ian Hislop called “fascinating, funny and frightening”.
1. Commission your own referendum exit poll from polling company A. Exit polls are far more effective at predicting results than those commissioned during a campaign.
2. Referendum day: Polling company A questions the public as they leave polling stations across the country. Receive the latest results two hours before the vote ends.
3. Tell nobody about the result. Do not tweet, post, blog about it or mention it to the press. This would be illegal.
4. As media outlets are banned from publishing the results of their own exit polls until voting has finished, you have a two hour advantage.
5. If the result of your poll suggests a win for the Remain campaign, hit the international money markets and buy as much sterling as possible.
6. When the actual result is announced, watch as the value of the pound rockets as the market welcomes a return to stability. Sell up for a huge profit.
7. If your poll suggests the Leave campaign has won, buy US dollars and sell up when the result triggers a rise against the pound.
8. Repeat steps 1-7 in any other country holding an EU referendum.
9. You are now rich. Fund a remake of ¡Three Amigos! starring you, Jean-Claude Juncker and Herman Van Rompuy.
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