How to cash in on a cryptocurrency

Our first book, ‘How to be evil’, is the collected cartoon works of Evil Stick Man, our Machiavellian doodle whose get-rich-quick schemes have featured in Delayed Gratification since the very first issue.

Here’s Evil Stick Man on how to cash in on a cryptocurrency. For more of his nefarious how-to guides, order a copy of ‘How to be evil’ from the DG shop.

Browse the Memebase website to find a burgeoning meme which you can use to create a mascot and name for your currency.

Create the new currency at a site like Coingen.io. Use your new mascot as the logo.

Pay a hacker to use Trojan software to get high-powered computers in countries around the world to start mining your currency without their owners’ knowledge.

Get the hacker to bounce the currency around between the computers in a series of false transactions, to give the impression of multi-user activity whilst maintaining control of all new coins mined. Build up a solid stash.

Promote your currency to the press, emphasising its whimsical mascot and claiming it’s the new Bitcoin. Bored students will market your currency while spreading the meme and early adopters will mine it, kickstarting its growth.

Release growth stats to the press. Give interviews to technology publications claiming that your crypto-currency is now a serious endeavour. Offer coins to websites that allow people to use it for transactions.

Large mining pools and speculators will now begin to engage with your crypto-currency. Release still bigger growth figures to the press.

Watch as a speculative bubble develops, fueled by hype, greed and the irresistible appeal of online memes. Quietly sell your coins at its height.

 You are now rich. Bribe the Bank of England to put your face on the new five pound note.

Posted on Friday, August 19th, 2016 - Categories: Delayed Gratification magazine, Evil Stick Man, Extras.